Consecration

I want to distill my desire such that it is no longer my own, and becomes nothing but the desires that help you reach Nirvana. This way of loving you is the only way I can truly love you without interruption from the excesses of my heart. This way of loving you will not hinder you. This way of loving you means letting you go while knowing that you will always have a home with me in my heart should you ever need to call it to beat at the cadence of your voice. This way of loving you is the only way for me. My Nirvana .

The Hope in the Alone

There is a certain hope in feeling alone
The hope that it can all change
It takes so much effort to sustain this hope, that may, in the end when all our life has been spent, reveal itself as an illusion
There are people who have lived and died  their whole existence alone
Hope does not grant us anything but patience
We may die being patient

I'm Not Scared of Losing the Chance

I'm not scared of losing the chance to be more than a friend. I used to be scared that you and I would never have the chance to be more to each other. Slowly, but steadily, this fear evaporates and is replaced by the love I have for you, and nothing else. Love does not demand, nor require anything. Sure, love does indeed hope, but love also knows that it cannot be manufactured. Love knows that being friends can be just as fulfilling as being actual lovers. Love knows the importance of the happiness of its beloved.We are what we are, and for all that you are, all that you will be, all that I don't know of you, for all of this and the way you make me feel, I love you.

An Imaginary Tea with Death- Part 1

Death, dear Death, before you act in haste, let us have an Iced Tea and chat.

OK

Why do you plan on taking me at this time?

You might want to ask my boss, he said this was important.

God???? How do I reach him?

I don't know, he doesn't have many visitors

Well, I know you're here now, so perhaps I'll just probe the mind of the Grim Reaper.

Ok, but please don't call me the Grim Reaper, I was given that annoying nickname when I was a child.

Ok, how much time can you afford me?

Would it actually help if I told you that?

Well yeah. It'd kind of be like 'stoppage time' in a game of soccer, it helps the teams to mount that last offensive push or defensive hold.


I will take you after our tea is finished.

So.....that's it? ... No chance to say goodbye to my family and friends?

I empathize, but if I were to give you extra time, I would have to do that for everyone....what makes you special enough to be a rare exception?

Nothing.... absolutely nothing......

Tell me, if you were given a small chunk of hours, what would you do with them?

I'd buy my friends and family dinner, share jokes and tell them I love them, then I'd go skydiving, and finally, I would write one more time.

OK, odd grouping of choices, but to each his own. What would you write?

A love letter to her.

Who?

The woman I love.

You love her, yet all you are doing is putting words on a page, how would that help her???

I guess it wouldn't do much, but we are only talking about a few hours here.

Maybe you are more selfish than you realize?

I could ask her what is the best way I can help her?

Yeah that is a great idea.

Love and Truth

Dear Sweet One, the truth is that I love you.
I suppose the reason I am in pain is because we are far away.
I understand it. Life takes us to risk. By saying I love you, I put us at risk, whatever we were, friends, whatever it was, vanished, became not. I understand it.  I know that we may again renew friendship in time. That's the thing about time, time brings change. I know that we might never have the opportunity to renew friendship. I suppose what I am saying is that I know that I do not know anything. The only two things that fall outside the scope of 'anything' is that I love you and I miss you. I love you and miss you. Those are my only truths.

Lonely Nights

In the blackness of night I'm still plugged into the world, until I grow too tired
The fears of a racing mind are kept on the edges of my consciousness
Yet I need music to soothe them, but this music only brings them more into focus

The pain of missing exerts too much force on me, the silence of loneliness echoes and taunts me
The fears move closer and closer, doubt walks behind them
Hope tries to find a way in, but is extremely blocked, fights valiantly but is overtaken and shunned
Emptiness  becomes all too familiar

Two hearts no longer connected
Two hearts no longer connected
Two hearts no longer connected

There is no cure for me

I Love You

I love you
I love you
I know you don't love me the way that I love you
But that fact does not halt or destroy my love for you
I love you because I love you
The mention of you moves my soul

Tattoos From You

You left glorious tattoos of your name on my soul
If my soul was visible, we would see this ink in all its wonder
The needle you used for this art did not hurt when you were drawing
There were no bruises or pain
The pain came when you stopped drawing
Now I have thousands of tattoos of your name on my soul, all of them crying out in selfish and selfless abandon for more.

Happy Day, I Know Your Name

Dear Sweetie, I know my happiest day will be when I see you again. No matter where life takes me, I know this day, above the others, will be my happiest. I know that we will most likely never be 'together', but I am okay with that. I will be thankful just to see you again. Just to see you smile again is worth so much to me, even if I'm not your reason. I know this happiness because I can see it. I feel what happens to me when I think about it. I feel the elation. I may watch too many movies, but I know that this happiness is not fantasy or fiction. I can sense it.

I Will End My Selfishness

Everyday the absence of you from my life creates in me a yearning to see you again
My soul, and all of me feels so far from you my love, that it creates in me a stillness that is crippling

But this yearning feels selfish. I endeavor everyday to change it, to yearn for your well-being more than I yearn to see you again, to gaze in your direction, to hear your dreams, to tell you mine

Just please be well, and let your spirit be enriched. If this melancholy brings you down, ignore it, ignore me

I will no longer be selfish